When people ask me “How are you doing?“, it’s really hard to describe how I’m feeling with a one word emotion. I’ve started to come accustomed to sharing this analogy. Imagine you are a writer and you give the editor you are working with a draft of your book. Now imagine that editor reading over the book, ripping a chapter you wrote, and putting that chapter somewhere else. Then the editor gives you the book back with no explanation why he moved the chapter. That in it’s most simplest terms is how I am feeling.
I Don’t Know
My wife and I, with the help of my sister-in-law, started packing up our apartment as we prepare to move in with my in-laws for the next eight months. As I see the packed bins of baby clothes, baby books, diapers, toiletries, etc. I just think to myself, “When will Rachel and I actually start the chapter of raising kids and in the meantime, what is this current chapter all about?” While I have called this chapter of our lives “The Unknown Chapter,” there is one Being who does know: God.
As a planner and goal setter, this unexpected season has taken me for a loop, and to be frank, is quite frustrating at times. Rachel and I recently started watching the show “The Chosen”, a T.V. series regarding the life of Jesus Christ; the third episode resonated with me. The episode was regarding the Wedding at Cana, and Thomas, one of Jesus’ soon-to-be disciples, was portrayed as one of the helpers in prepping the wedding and making sure the wine was served. (Note, I personally do not know whether or not if this is true of what Thomas did in real life. Whether the producers took creative liberty or actually looked into the history of who Thomas was, the bible doesn’t share with us any details about Thomas’ life. Whether you agree or disagree with the show, that’s your personal opinion, and the point of me sharing this is not to debate about the show.)
Thomas was a planner and saw things in a logical sense. To Thomas, 2+2 always equaled 4. As the wedding goes on, Thomas is, for a lack of a better words, freaking out! The wine has run out and there is still a lot of time left in the party. Jesus is asked to help and there is a conversation that Jesus and Thomas have.
Jesus: Fill these jars with water.
Thomas: (Rubbing his face and looking anxious) From the directions you have provided, I see no logical solution to the problem.
Jesus: It’s going to be like that sometimes, Thomas.
I could relate well with Thomas, especially in the season my wife and I are currently in. I have heard and read all the scripture verses regarding how the Lord will restore, redeem, and be glorified in all of this, but the question I keep asking myself from time to time is “when and how?!” Here’s the peace that I can rest in, I don’t know, but God knows. The Scriptures share the following;
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands. Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, and instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord’s renown, for an everlasting sign, that will endure forever.”-Isaiah 55:8-13
Maybe you are going through a season where you want God to give you the answers of why He is doing what He is doing. Maybe you are a logical person and you don’t see how it all adds up. Maybe the silence from heaven is frustrating you and you just want to hear God say something. He has said some things. It is all found in His Word. Yes, maybe He isn’t giving you the answers you want, but rest assured that if God said it, He will be faithful and trust worthy to follow through.
“And the Lord said, “That’s right, and it means that I am watching, and I will certainly carry out all my plans.”-Jeremiah 1:12
-Michael A. Kubus
(Below is the clip with Jesus and Thomas from the show “The Chosen”)